Pie Chucker

 Batting Collapse and Sexual Chocolate

 Ryan Sidebottom is God!  Who needs Harmison and Hoggard?  Whao are Harmison and Hoggard?  On a day when New Zealand could have put England out of the game, Sidebottom stepped up with seven wickets to put Vaughan’s men in complete control; only abject failure over the final three days will see the Tourists fail to wrap up the series.  No team with Ryan Sidebottom in it can contemplate abject failure (except the Notts side of 2006 who were relegated, but we’ll gloss over that - how useless must his team-mates have been?)

England resumed on 240-7 and the tail wagged for a whole 25 ball and 13 runs before eventually being dismissed for 253.  This total looked lame on a pitch that was suited to batting, not least of all after a Kiwi 2nd wicket century partnership.  New Zealand were 103-1, then Siders removed (Notts team mate) Fleming for 59.  This sparked an English style collpase with New Zealand’s last 8 wickets putting on 65 runs.  Ryan the Conquerer took seven for 47, the Kiwis all out for 168 and the first innings’ lead (how did England end up with a lead?  They only got 253!) for Moores’ side of 85.

Vaughan and Cook were both dismissed before the close of play, but Ryan Sidebottom’s Barmy Army are 92-2 with Strauss 40no and Pietersen at the crease - 176 ahead.  His team mates owe Sexual Chocolate some gratitude and perhaps a few beers.