Pie Chucker

One step forward… 

England ended the day 277-9, a 2nd Innings lead of 421.  Given that only three teams have ever made over 400 (in the 4th innings) to win a test match, New Zealand may be about to make history England coach Peter Moores must be confident that his side can level the series at one apiece.  However, a go-getter like Mooresy doesn’t sit around counting chickens - especially when there are two days left and the pitch is flat - so when he spotted a football in the dressing room at the end of play, his thought process went something like this:*

 A football. That looks fun.  I might boot it at Hoggard’s face…ahem, concentrate Petey-baby, you’re about to win a test match.  Blimey, a football. Didn’t we win the Ashes after Glenn McGrath fell over whilst playing ‘football’ and was too knacked to bowl us out?  I sense danger.  I’ll whip out my gun and burst the pig’s bladder [referring to the football, not Glenn McGrath] thereby reducing the chances of one of our bowlers picking up a knock during a kickabout.  After all, we’ll need them all with two days left and the pitch being pretty flat.  Right, here it is, hope the safety’s on…AAAAAAAAAARRGGGHH! MY FOOT!

With their gaffer on his way to Hospital, the England players decided to have a kickabout at the end of play - oh yes, the painful opening paragraphs were not completely meaningless and… blah, blah, predictable blah…. James ‘Jimmy’ Anderson left the ground on crutches.  That’s the same James Anderson who is due to bat next, took five wickets in the first innings and would be pretty useful over the next couple of days to a side in a strong position but with fragile confidence, that urgently needs a win to keep the pressure off their coach.  But before all this, there was some cricket played and words rendered:

That’s Several

Professional Gritty Northerner Paul Collingwood said at the end of play:  “It’s a shame we didn’t have a balcony here because you should have heard the roar in the dressing room,” referring to the team’s hilarity at Alastair Cook’s first ever international six, and not the primal scream from team-mate/competitor for 6th batting place Owais Shah when Colly himself was dropped on zero.  Predictably, England’s top six all got into double figures and none made it to a ton.  New Zealand, meanwhile, fancy their chances of making a record winning score according to Kyle Mills - who wasn’t over-egging the cake when he used the word ‘definitely’ every three seconds in his post match tub-thump:

“It’s been a great batting deck on the third day here so if we can get similar conditions tomorrow we feel the runs are definitely gettable because there’s so much time left in the match,” he said. “There are two full days and if we can get a couple of our batsmen in to post a big score, it’s definitely game on because we bat so far down.”

How flat is the pitch though, Kylo?  Vaughan got a nasty one early doors, like.

“It definitely flattened out after the first half hour.”  Mind you, he did give an insight into the Black Caps’ tactics with this gem on their plans for the third day:  “We were hoping to rock ‘n’ roll them for 150.”  Good luck with that run chase.  You’re definitely gonna need it.

*we’re sort of guessing here; as in making it up.