Pie Chucker

The Euphoria of winning the Twenty20 series 2-0 has been replaced with a familiar gloom; England are getting stuffed in another One Day International Series.  Having promised to think on their feet after the crushing opening defeat in Wellington, Collingwood’s side did exactly that.  Here we bring you the thoughts of Ravi Bopara* during his innings when he was very much on his feet… well, his heels:

 Is there a run there? Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, I can’t cope, should we run?  This is more difficult than county cricket, what wound Dmitri Mascarenhas do? I hope it’s chips tonight… what am I doing…oh yes…batting…Be bold Ravi! “YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS”.  (Sounds of bails being removed and loud antipodean appeal from behind)…

Whoops.

 Luckily, England learnt from Bopara’s inane running out of (top scorer) Cook and of the remaining nine wickets only 2 were given away due to poor running.

Fortunately England’s fielders only had time to drop three catches as New Zealand chased down the modest target with 19 overs remaining (of a weather-related reduced innings.)

Thankfully Captain Paul Collingwood reckons England “can do better”.  It’s the sort of tubthumping that can revive the tourists after only the 4th ten wicket defeat in ODIs.  Having made 130 in the 1st game, England struggled to 158 at Hamilton.  It would be hard for them to get much worse.

 The 3rd game of the five match series begins tonight; after two convincing New Zealand victories it’s hard to bet against them putting another nail in England’s coffin.  Moores has still got a hell of a job on his hands.

*May not be the actual thoughts of the England cricketer Ravi Bopara, seeing as how we made them up.

Great! It’s chips!