Pie Chucker

What happens when the DVLA are located in Wales? They write Egland as your country of birth. Unless you are from Wales, I suppose. Even with a post-it note with the correct spelling of this fine land, you get Egland. This is forgiven in exchange for Simon Jones. Or is it? With England’s current seam attack, day 3 was all about England (including poor weather).

England had started with Mr Anderson in the hunt for all 10. However, all the seamers (except Collingwood, Bell and Strauss and all the other ones in the whole world) chipped in. England’s spin attack of Monty, Vaughan, Pietersen, Cook were not required to bamboozle the unfortunate tourists. Having moved the score from 96-6 to 123-7, NZ lost the last 3 wickets for the amount of attractive “women” living in the southern hemisphere.

The follow-on was enforced by England, I repeat England; or perhaps Vaughan declared on 0-0. It’s hard to know.

England like a journalist describing Barack Obama as “black” stormed in, but in this case with a little more guile. Broad bowled wonderfully and was in the wickets with Ryan Hotbottom. Mr How who had said something to the effect of NZ being only a couple of decent partnerships from making a game of it can look at this list of numbers if he is aware of the force that is Pie Chucker: 12, 15, 0, 0, 0, 21, 12, 25, 96, 17 and 8. This is what NZ achieved today. It is true that the average of these partnerships is important. It is also the case that England must be full of belief, as they are not made to wait very long for the ‘booty’ of the NZ wickets. One partnership of note, but I doubt England ever really thought ‘oh no, we are never going to get them out’.

So it ended at 177-5. NZ still trailing by 64 runs. Monty had a little twirl, but the biggest drama seemed to be that the highlights on Chanel No.5 started whilst the game was still in play. England have this wrapped up. Let’s savour this, as England are showing promise. Soon the boot will be on the other foot (with a steel toe-cap) and firmly planted in the cock and balls area, when the shorter less charming version of the game is played. So a toast to all involved, up yours!

Jones? Well he is returning to strength, with Flintoff threatening who would you drop? Here is my 11 for South Africa:

Cook, Strauss, Bell, Pietersen, Vaughan (at 5, captain), Shah (sorry Colly, you’ve been a bad dog), Flintoff, Ambrose, Broad, Sidebottom and Panesar.